It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
