My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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