Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
