I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
