Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
