If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
