Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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