So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
