i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
