we have pet lesbian snakes
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
