You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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