How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
