Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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