she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
