last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
