I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
