strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I did not marry a roomba.
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