just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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