i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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