you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
