Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
