she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
