I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
