Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
