I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
