I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
