You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
