You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
