Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
