Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I need help removing her.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
