What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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