Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
