you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She bit a glass in half.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
