At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
