so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
