Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
