Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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