im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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