Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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