Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
