We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
