Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
