she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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