I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
