what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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