first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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