God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I did not marry a roomba.
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