Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
