she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
