well I can't set my house on fire every night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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