i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
wanna go halves on a baby?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
