I wish I could punch you in the face.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
