im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Fuck appropriateness.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
