she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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